My Soul Feels Broken Now

This has been a very tough couple of months for me. My oldest child turned 21, my youngest turned 13, my middle child got pregnant, and my oldest is getting married. I realized I don’t have any babies anymore. They are all growing up on me. This breaks my heart.

This week is the hardest so far. Alissa, my middle daughter, had her baby shower yesterday. In 5 more days, my oldest daughter Aspen, is getting married. I was talking with my girls this past weekend and I told them I am just not ready. Everyone expects me to be so excited. I get told I am gaining a grandchild and a son. Well, that is all good and fine, BUT, I feel like I am losing my daughters and a part of me.

 

Baby Shower Alissa Baby Shower Ren Faire

 

See, I have been mommy for what seems a lifetime. Being a mommy is just who I am. I don’t want to be anything else. I had three children at home and life was good. I had little hands to grab my face and say “You’re so pretty, I love you mommy”. I had someone begging me to sing them to sleep. I had someone asking me to lay beside them because they were sad. I had someone saying they didn’t feel good and needed me to make it better. It seems, in the blink of an eye, I woke up and 18 years was gone and so where my baby girls.

Yes, I know, I am still a mom. But it is different now. They are going off and getting their own families and it feels as if they are leaving me behind. They don’t need me like they used to. Everyone wants me to be over the moon happy about these changes and I am trying so hard. Every time I look at my girls, I see what I am loosing. I see no more little hands and feet that needed me so very much. Now all I see is grown adults moving on and getting their own little hands to hold.

 

 

I don’t want to sound like I am feeling sorry or that I am making this all about me. This is their time and I should rejoice. This is what we raise them for. I am so super proud of the women my daughters have become. They turned out so wonderful. They will make the best mommies and wives ever!!! But I am here to tell you…… Whoever decided 18 years was enough time to raise children was OBVISOULY NOT a mommy.

 

I do not have any wise words to post here. Most people label this as Empty Nest Syndrome. I more think it is My Life Is Over Syndrome. It feels as if 2/3 of my soul is gone now. I am trying to find my way through this with a grateful heart and embrace the changes to come. Some people will read this and think I am selfish and am taking away the joy from my daughters. Then some will read it and totally get what I am saying. I told Alissa that in 18 years, when Hollie graduates and leaves home, she will sit on her bed crying and call me and say “I get it now mom”.

 

If any of my readers have went through this, please comment with any FRIENDLY advice you may have on surviving these changes. I know I am not the only one out there that is going through this and feels alone. To all the Mommy and Daddies out there with children at home, I say…. Enjoy every tiny tiny moment because I promise, now it seems like you have forever with them, but in the blink of an eye they are gone and so are those moments. Treasure each and every second.

 

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My Soul Feels Broken

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